Addicted
by windwhisprer
Summary: [oneshot][39 ST3] The first time was an accident. The second, a test. The third time was in anger, and the fourth done purposely. The fifth was in selfhatred and that was when Sanzo realized how truly addicting Eden's fruit can be.


**A/N: **This turned out better then I planned. In my original idea, it was all smut. But of course, I had to throw more emotions and plot into it. You guys wouldn't want a whole big smutty pile of SanzoxGoku on your plate, would you? This is SanzoxGoku and Seiten TaiseixSanzo. Don't know what that means? Feel free to read to find out. And yes, there are limes in this oneshot. So don't be surprised or shocked.

Please leave your comments and the review bunny will give you a cookie!

**Addicted**

The first time was an accident.

Goku, Sanzo, Gojyo and Hakkai had been under attack. The group had been separated, and was being picked off, one by one. The forest they had been forced into was dense, and dark. Sanzo had managed to stave off any demons, all the while managing to keep an eye out for his companions. He'd been careless, he decided later, when a blow came to the back of the head, and he blacked out.

When he came to, he was hanging from a nearby tree, his arms bound in chains, suspended high above his head. His feet barely grazed the ground. The second he looked up, he caught the sight of several demons all grinning at him, his sutra in one of their hands. "Since we've got the sutra," one of the demons slurred. "Why don't we play with mister Priesty here?"

Sanzo grit his teeth.

The one who looked to be the leader approached him, a smile playing on his lips. "Sounds like fun. You're quite beautiful, Genjyo Sanzo. You look like a woman." Sanzo suppressed a grunt when a knife was lodged into his leg. "I'd like to hear you scream in agony."

The next second the knife twisted, and Sanzo bit his lip to keep from yelling. He would not give them that satisfaction. Never. The knife was removed and he grimaced at the blood dripping down his leg. The knife was then lodged in his other leg, and he bit back another yell. The demon in front of him smiled with deranged amusement, as he began to slowly drag the knife downward, watching Sanzo writhe and wiggle in pain.

The knife bit into his shoulder, twisting and dragging this time. The demon made sure not to go near his heart. He didn't want to grant the monk the release of death. "Well, well," the demon cooed. "Does the knife hurt, Sanzo? The way you screamed made it sound very painful."

He screamed? Sanzo didn't remember screaming. He didn't have the time to contemplate it much further as the knife was driven into his elbow. He couldn't stop the chocked cry that caught in his throat. He threw his head down, shivering with pain. The man grinned again, preparing to drive the knife in another part of his mangled body. Sanzo shut his eyes, praying for death.

His wish was granted.

Not in the way he'd imagined though. A feral cry was heard and Sanzo snapped his eyes open, recognizing the pitch. Before him stood Goku. Or, to be more accurate, Seiten Taisei. The limiter must've been lost sometime in battle. With long hair that reached down his back, sharp fangs and claws and the eyes that could only belong to a murderer. The creature of earth was not smiling his bloodthirsty smile, as it usually did. But it was frowning. Growling. Seiten Taisei was angry. Sanzo had never seen him with so much hatred gleaming in his eyes.

He shut his eyes as the being struck, ripping out throats and shredding the demons before him. They didn't even scream. _How ironic, _Sanzo thought idly, opening his eyes and turning to face the being in front of him. Seiten Taisei was standing, frowning lightly at the bodies. He then raised his deadly eyes towards Sanzo, and said monk felt a shudder run down his spine. His death wish was about to come true.

Sanzo tugged on the chains tying him up, wincing as his shoulder burnt with pain. There was no way he was getting lose, and his legs seemed to be quite fucked up. He couldn't face Seiten Taisei like this. Where were Hakkai and Gojyo?!

Seiten Taisei stepped towards him, curious. Sanzo didn't look away. He glared back into those dangerously slitted eyes. Seiten Taisei did something he was no expecting, though. He smiled. It was not a bloodthirsty smile, but a knowing little smile, as if it knew Sanzo's fate was in his hands. He stepped forwards, surprising Sanzo as he laid a clawed hand on Sanzo's cheek. Sanzo looked at him questionably, but didn't dare speak. Catching his look, Seiten Taisei ripped his claws along Sanzo's face, leaving three deep gashes along his cheek. It stung, but it wasn't nearly as bad as his other injuries. It got Seiten Taisei's message across though; _I am still in control._

Seiten Taisei let his claws drift down towards the man's stomach, shoving his hands up under the man's shirt, and pushing his claws into Sanzo's pale skin. Sanzo shuddered, though the pain was nothing more then nicks. Seiten Taisei then leaned forwards, capturing Sanzo's lips in a bruising and dominating kiss. He bit Sanzo's lip, causing them to bleed. Seiten Taisei happily licked at the injuries, letting a low purr develop deep within his throat. Sanzo found himself stunned, but could do little more then watch the display unfurl before him.

He could fell his robes being pushed up, then Seiten Taisei grinning as he pushed into the monk. Sanzo's eyes widened and he threw his head back in a combination of pleasure and pain. Seiten Taisei let out a purr of enjoyment, leaning up towards Sanzo's ear. "Mine," he hissed, before nibbling on his ear.

The night was a haze.

Sanzo had been completely dominated. Possessed in every sense of the word. Seiten Taisei had marked him, owned him, and the worst part is Sanzo wasn't bothered by it. Sometime after they had both hit their climaxes, Sanzo had managed to rip one arm free. Too tired to bother pushing him away, Seiten Taisei simply grinned up at him as the limiter was replaced. Once Goku had tumbled back into his arm, Sanzo attempted to get his other arm free. He'd managed, but couldn't walk, let alone walk with Goku. Some of which had to do with the stab wounds he'd received, but most of it had been Seiten Taisei's merciless thrusting into his backside, and stabbing pain resurfaced every time he moved.

It had been a while before Hakkai and Gojyo had found them.

The second time was a test.

Sanzo had been drinking that night. Goku and Sanzo had gotten into yet another fight, which left the young teen distraught over the monk's actions. Sanzo felt increasingly guilty for causing the hurt in the boy's eyes, and decided he needed a drink. Or ten. So he wandered over to the bar, and began drinking. He hadn't stopped for a long time.

It was late by the time Sanzo had been cut off. By that time the bartender had told him he'd had enough, and cut him off. He'd scrambled for his gun, but couldn't even find it. Whatever, Sanzo decided. He doubted he'd be able to hold it anyway. Let alone fire straight. So he stumbled off to have one last cigarette before heading to bed. He hadn't even bothered with the cigarette when he stumbled outside, instead leaning over and emptying his stomach. He felt better, but he still needed sleep. The cigarette could wait, he decided. He doubt he's be able to light the damn thing anyway.

He'd stumbled upstairs, and pried open the door. He stumbled across to the bed in the dark, leaning against the edge. He was about to roll over and go to sleep when he felt a figure in the bed. Turning on a nearby lamp, he realized he'd stumbled into Goku's room. The brunette was sleeping peacefully, not knowing his guardian was right beside him, eyeing the diadem that sat around his forehead. How easy it would be to take it off, letting Seiten Taisei ravish him in the way he had before. But then, would he react the same? Would he dominate Sanzo once again or try to kill him? Sanzo couldn't say.

_A test, _he thought. _I want to see what's going on with this creature. _

He reached up, gently laying his fingers on the cool metal, but not yet moving to remove it. Hesitating, his eyes darted back to Goku's slumbering face. He had cared for his young charge for as long back as he could remember. Even when Goku was a child Sanzo often awoken late at night from an amazingly erotic dream. He'd found himself out of breath, covered in sweat… and hard as hell. Sanzo had always hated himself for harboring feelings for Goku when he was such a child. A totally naive child who wouldn't know of boundaries and when they shouldn't be crossed. How could he? So Sanzo had punished himself for these feelings, hating that he was having such horrible thoughts for his young charge.

Even as Goku grew older that guilt had not dissipated. It lingered, reminding him of his sinful thoughts. Though Goku was growing up, it only served to remind him of the thoughts that still trailed in the back of his mind. No matter how old Goku acted, it was still wrong.

Maybe that was what he liked about Seiten Taisei. The creature used him, and then tossed him aside. Maybe he enjoyed being with his charge, and finally having him hate him. Being possessed by him. Used to satisfy his desires. Maybe Sanzo was a machoist. Who knew?

Before he realized what was going on, he reached up, and pulled Goku's diadem from his forehead. Eyes shot open, as pain ripped through his body. As the transformation ended, golden eyes that in no way belonged to his young charge stared up at him, smiling in a deliciously possessive way. He lunged out from under the covers, pinning Sanzo to the ground under his weight. Seiten Taisei smirked devilishly down upon him, before tearing his shirt off and devouring the man's chest. Biting and nipping until Sanzo was moaning both in pain and pleasure.

The third time was in anger.

"Why the hell won't you leave me alone?" Immediately, Sanzo regretted the words as they slipped form his mouth. Goku stared up at him in hurt, sadness, pain. But not anger. Goku could never look at him in anger. Because Goku was unable to feel hatred, anger, and other dark emotions towards his golden haired keeper.

Goku's gaze drifted to the floor, a pout lining his features. "Because I love you," the boy admitted without faltering, turning his hardened golden eyes up to the man. Sanzo felt his breath hitch. "I love you and I won't leave you alone to hate yourself."

Sanzo did hate himself. In fact, the second Goku's confession slipped from his lips, he hated himself even more. He'd stolen Goku's heart. That should make him feel great. But it didn't. It made him feel horrible. Goku deserved so much better then him. He was not worthy to be looked at with eyes lit with trust, devotion… _love._ Because he was a monster. A monster that had molested a child.

Goku had not been very old then. Thirteen, maybe fourteen. But Sanzo had not been able to hold himself back that night. He'd kissed the boy. Kissed him and pulled him into his arms. Stunned, Goku was unresponsive for a moment, before his arms wrapped around his neck and Goku responded with as much intensity as he could manage. Sanzo had been lost that night, lost in a haze of alcohol and lust for the boy. They made love that night, and Sanzo still hated himself for it. Was that it? Did Goku only love him because of what he'd done those years ago? It was an accident, one Sanzo never wanted to repeat.

He wanted to savor the innocence Goku had. Not break it.

Most of all, he didn't want to break the boy's heart when he fucked up and said something he shouldn't. Besides, Goku deserved better then him.

Goku took a step towards him, and Sanzo stepped back. His back connected with a wall, and he cursed lightly. Goku reached out, laying a hand to Sanzo's face lightly. It reminded him of the first time Seiten Taisei had come to him in the forest. Though he couldn't see anything but Goku in his deep golden depths. No hatred. No anger. No pure, overconfident lust. Just Goku. His Goku. "Tell me what I can do…" Goku whispered softly, turning his eyes up to meet Sanzo's. "I want to help you…"

"Hate me," Sanzo hissed back. "I want you to hate me."

Horror momentarily crossed the boy's eyes. "No. I could never hate you." His eyes danced across Sanzo's pale neck and arms. Shining in the soft moonlight. "Why do you want me to hate you?"

Sanzo couldn't take it anymore. Those golden eyes almost seemed luminous in the dim light. He pulled Goku close, ravishing him with an overpowering kiss that Goku succumbed to. He hadn't even realized what he'd been doing before Goku moaned softly in is mouth. Sanzo's eyes shot open and he shoved his charge away none too gently.

Goku stumbled back, staring up at him in confusion. "Sanzo…" he whispered, taking a step towards him again.

"Don't come near me!" Sanzo yelled, causing Goku to flinch. He found himself out of breath. He leaned against the wall, savoring the taste of Goku's lips. It was almost an addiction. Sanzo had tasted him once as a child, and had been amazed at the sweet, innocent taste he had. Sanzo had found it incredibly hard not to return to Goku's room each night, and linger in that earthly smell, tasting Eden's fruit. And now that he had tasted it again, the desire that he'd suppressed for six years shot back up at him. It was almost unbearable.

His fingers twitched, wanting to pull the boy into another earth-shattering kiss. But he resisted.

He had realized long ago that Goku and Seiten Taisei were completely different. They even tasted different, he realized. Goku tasted of sweet innocence, spiked with a hot spice that made him so addicting. But Seiten Taisei tasted of blood. That overpowering desire to be dominate. To get exactly what he wanted no matter what anyone said. They were both alluring and overpowering tastes. And Sanzo was addicted to them both.

Sanzo could no longer control himself. He shot forwards, capturing his monkey into another kiss. Goku responded, melting at his touch. Sanzo slammed up against the wall, breaking the kiss. He stared into Goku's golden pools, which stared back equally. They were riddled with confusion, bewilderment; joy. But behind that an overpowering trust and love that could not be broken. Why did Goku have to look at him like that? Why could he glare and yell and cry at having Sanzo so close to him? Why couldn't he hate his touch?

"Hate me," Sanzo hissed softly. Goku yelped as Sanzo's grip on his shoulders grew a bit too tight. "Look up at me and hate me for everything I've done to you."

"You've done nothing that I haven't wanted," Goku whispered back, his eyes shining with defiance. "So there's nothing to hate."

Goku kissed him again, and Sanzo let his eyes slide closed. His fingers ran through Goku's tussled hair. As they grazed the cold metal, Sanzo felt another shot of guilt run through him. Before he could stop himself, Sanzo felt his fingers slowly sliding the diadem up over the boy's head. Goku's eyes snapped open and his hand caught Sanzo's, the kiss broken.

Fear. That was the look in Goku's eyes, as Sanzo hands lingered on the diadem, threatening to push it off at any moment. "Sanzo…" the boy whispered, frightened. "Please…. No…."

His heart broke at the fear in Goku's eyes. He didn't want Goku to fear him, just to hate him. He didn't want this. But his hands weren't listening to his mind as he pulled the diadem from Goku's forehead, allowing it to fall to the floor with a clatter.

As Seiten Taisei looked up at him, a feral purr forming in his throat, Sanzo felt sick. Sicker then he'd ever felt before. Seiten Taisei didn't take note to Sanzo's sadness as he threw the man against the bed, biting down on his bare shoulder none to gently. Sanzo let himself yelp as fresh blood cascaded down his skin. Seiten Taisei did not care much for Sanzo's pain or emotions that night, as he pounded into him mercilessly. Thrashing the monk's body until Sanzo was sure he would not be able to walk.

And he let his body be thrashed. He let Seiten Taisei ravage him, not at all caring about Sanzo's torment; mental or physical. Seiten Taisei simply did as he wished. Played with his toy as he wished.

After all, Sanzo belonged to Seiten Taisei. And there was nothing tender and loving about this twisted relationship.

It was late afternoon when Goku awoke, his limiter replaced the night before after Seiten Taisei had had his fill. Sanzo had been fearful that Goku would remember it was him who had taken off his limiter. _Willingly. _It had been gnawing on his stomach all day. But when Goku awoke, he hadn't even remembered that his limiter had been taken off at all. Though he did whine about the memory loss of the previous night.

The fourth time was done purposely.

He'd been overcome with a craving that night. The undying need to have Goku beneath him. Wriggling and staring up at him, his face flushed in desire. No matter how long he tossed and turned, the image wouldn't leave him. He wanted to taste Eden's fruit. The sweetest, most alluring fruit there was. But he had to flush it out. Needed something to distract him from Goku's features twisting in pleasure, moaning his name. That was when the image of Seiten Taisei grinning down on him came into view. The overpowering dominance and lust in his eyes as his lips were crushed; bruised.

He had flushed out one craving, but jump-started another. After another hour of useless tossing and turning-- the heat in his veins making him kick the covers on and off-- he stood. Silently, he crossed the hall to Goku's room, not even bothering to lock it as he headed deep within the darkness.

His hand felt around for Goku's form. He started suddenly as his hand found Goku's brown hair, sprawled across the pillow in sleep. Silently, Sanzo sat down on the edge of the bed, feeling for Goku's diadem. When his fingers crossed the cool metal, he pulled it off, allowing the sleeping demon to take over.

Seiten Taisei purred up at Sanzo, running his deadly clawed hands over the man's ungloved arms. Purring softly, he shoved Sanzo to the bed, claiming what was rightfully his. Seiten Taisei kissed him, and Sanzo could feel the demon's lips parting, his tongue sliding over Sanzo's lower lip. When the man didn't respond to the brunette's wishes, Seiten Taisei bit Sanzo's lips hard, drawing blood. He then parted them forcefully, not caring for his partner's needs.

Sanzo soon found his black top in shreds as Seiten Taisei ripped it apart, disregarding the ruined fabric and running his fingers lightly over the man's chest. The demon purred as he moved his kissed down to Sanzo's creamy neck. Biting and nipping, causing Sanzo to cringe more then once.

Seiten Taisei then pressed his claws into Sanzo's chest, as the blonde bit back a yelp. Slowly, the demon dragged his claws along Sanzo's chest, leaving long gashes that oozed out blood.

Seiten Taisei moved, licking the gashes and suckled at the blood. Sanzo moaned, arching his back to the demon's tantalizing mouth.

His pants were soon lost somewhere in the dark corners of the room, and Seiten Taisei's were lost as well. He paused, and growled at Sanzo. The monk took the signal, leaning up to kiss and caress his bronze chest. Seiten Taisei's claws dug into his shoulder and Sanzo bit harder, causing a deep, low purr to make its way into the demon's throat.

Sanzo was shoved back to the bed, pinned beneath the boy's weight. He stared up into cat-like eyes as they scrutinized him playfully, wondering what part of his toy he could play with next. He suddenly wondered what would happen if Goku realized what he'd been doing the past few weeks. How would Goku feel to know that he had caused such injuries to his everything? Or worse, what if Goku realized Sanzo was using him to fulfill his deranged sexual fantasies?

It would shatter his innocent frame of mind.

Growing sick with himself, Sanzo moved to leave. He couldn't do this to Goku. He had to stop, before it got any worse. He was shoved roughly back down into the sheets by the cat-like creature on top of him. Seiten Taisei growled, proving he was far from done with the blonde. Sanzo could only lie there as he was used, just as he was every other night. He couldn't help but hate himself. He swore that Goku would never find out what he'd done. That he'd stop using and being used to satisfy his own self-pity.

When Sanzo hobbled out of Goku's room late that night, he swore he'd never go back.

The fifth time was in self-hatred.

He'd hated himself the second he stepped into the room, and found Goku blissfully asleep. Completely at ease, with nothing on his mind, and as Sanzo stepped up to his bedside, he found himself sick. Sanzo hated himself, hated what he was doing to Goku. But at the same time he couldn't stop the insane cravings for both sides of his charge. At least he could have this one and no one would know but him, and the beast that slept deep within Goku's mind.

He hated himself as Goku rolled over, just as Sanzo was about to reach out to his forehead. Goku snored softly, his eyelids fluttering in a dream. "…Sanzo…" he breathed, his lower lip quivering slightly as he did so. Sanzo hesitated, preparing to turn and head back to his room, locking himself inside until morning and the craving passed.

The next second he found himself staring into cat-like eyes that only held a malicious gleam and the desire to watch the blonde wiggle and writhe beneath him.

Sanzo would never let Goku know. Never let him know what twisted desires he held for his young charge. Never let him know that he was abused and thrashed by his other side. Because it would shatter Goku's soul. He would be broken, and Sanzo _knew_ he would never be able to forgive himself.

So he let himself have the lesser of his addictions. He put up with the slash and puncture marks Seiten Taisei inflicted upon him. It made him feel better. That this one side of Goku didn't need him; didn't depend on him. That he could be hated, and used only for his gain for one night. He could settle his craving with this small dose of Goku, like a candy now and then to satisfy his sweet tooth. But Goku was more then just a candy to him, and he had more then just a sweet tooth.

He loved Goku so badly it _ached_. But because he loved Goku so much, he wouldn't allow the brunette to settle for someone as conniving and low as himself. He wanted Goku to be happy, and he would only be happy in the arms of someone else.

So every now and then he would creep into the boy's room, to satisfy his craving for the boy. Because he knew, one day, Goku was going to find someone better. Someone _deserving_. And Sanzo would be left alone.

When that happened, Sanzo knew that his addiction would devour him, and he would only have his memories to feed his hunger. In no way would it be enough.

By that time, Sanzo prayed he would be dead.


End file.
